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Taming Your Outer Child: A Revolutionary Program to Overcome Self-Defeating Patterns, by Susan Anderson
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FINALLY, THE BREAKTHROUGH BOOK THAT PUTS YOU BACK IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE
Most of us have met our Outer Child once too often. The self-sabotaging, bungling, and impulsive part of the personality. This misguided, hidden nemesis—the devil on your shoulder—blows your diet, overspends, and ruins your love life. A menacing older sibling to your emotionally needy Inner Child, your Outer Child acts out and fulfills your legitimate childlike needs and wants in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and in counterproductive ways: It goes for immediate gratification and the quick fix in spite of your best-laid plans. Food, attention, emotional release—your Outer Child usually gets what it wants, and your Adult self can feel powerless to stop it.
Now, in a revolutionary rethinking of the link between emotion and behavior, veteran psychotherapist and theoretician Susan Anderson offers a three-step, paradigm-shifting program to tame your Outer Child’s destructive behavior. This dynamic, transformational set of strategies—action steps that act like physical therapy for the brain—calms your Inner Child, strengthens your Adult Self and releases you from the self-blame and shame that are the root of Outer Child issues, and paves new neural pathways that can lead to more productive behavior. Discover
• the common Outer Child personality types, including the Drama Queen; the Master of Disguise; My Way or No Way; and Love the Getting, not the Having
• proven techniques to resolve underlying sources of self-sabotage
• insights that will allow you to stop blaming your supposed “lack of willpower” for your problems
• key strategies for healing the painful issues of your past
• mental exercises that effectively deal with Outer Child challenges around food, procrastination, love, debt, depression, and more
As your head, heart, and behavior come together and learn to help, not hurt, one another, your strong Adult Self, contented Inner child, and tamed Outer child will become a reality. The result is happiness and fulfillment, self-mastery, and self-love.
- Sales Rank: #278427 in Books
- Published on: 2011-01-25
- Released on: 2011-01-25
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.52" h x 1.01" w x 6.36" l, 1.12 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 304 pages
From Publishers Weekly
With more than 30 years experience working with victims of trauma, abandonment, grief, and loss, psychotherapist Anderson (Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery) continues her private practice in Manhattan and on Long Island. A decade ago, she introduced her Outer Child concept, which, as she defines it, is an outward manifestation of your emotional self. Since fear of abandonment is "the crux of the human condition," she explains how to redirect "fear and insecurity seeping out of your oldest wounds." "Abandoholism," she notes, "wins the hit parade on my website." With a program designed to undo primal fears, she tackles such topics as lowered self-esteem, lovesick feelings, food urges, diet, chronic depression, procrastination, heartache, and a primary source of conflict with relationships, "enormous emotional suction cups." She also examines brain activity and factors preventing the body's production of such "yummy neurochemicals" as oxytocin and vasopressin. While readers under stress who are desperate for help will view this book as a valuable tool for healing, others may be put off by some of the jargon-filled passages. (Jan. 25)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Review
"This book will be an enormous help to anyone looking to let go of past disappointments and self-recrimination and get on with the essential work of healing, building boundaries, and acquiring the skills to reach your goals. I hope you will read it and do the exercises it provides." –John Bradshaw, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Homecoming
"Groundbreaking…" –PsychologyToday.com
About the Author
Susan Anderson, LCSW, has devoted more than thirty years of clinical experience and research to working with the victims of trauma, abandonment, grief, and loss. The creator of the Outer Child concept and the founder of the abandonment recovery movement, she is the author of The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery, and The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection. In addition to her lectures and workshops, she continues private practice in Manhattan and on Long Island.
Most helpful customer reviews
41 of 42 people found the following review helpful.
An important, life-changing book
By J. Solomon
I'm almost done reading this book and realize it's the book I've been looking for most of my life. The healing I've done reading this book has been more effective than decades of therapy (and I have a good therapist but she couldn't get to the depth of recovery that I've gotten to using this book as a tool). And wonderfully, the book covers all my "vices", from self-sabotage like issues with self-care (not exercising, not eating properly etc.) to relationship-related ones (and we all have them to one extent or another) etc. Everything I'm struggling with can be fit within her paradigm. I've restarted journaling while reading her book and have covered more ground in recent weeks than in years prior.
What I like the most about the book is how the author explains emotional topics in a way that makes sense, and uses examples but doesn't let the examples overwhelm the underlying discussion, and most importantly how she asks the reader to do exercises throughout the book while not making it a "workbook". So getting through the book has taken a lot of time as I stop, put down the book and check in with myself. But I think that's the point. Taking action (even like journaling) is a path to real change. And she explains WHY journaling is so important, that it's like physical therapy for the mind. That really helped me step up and do it, in real time.
I'd read Black Swan recently and liked it so looked up any other books Susan Anderson wrote, but didn't realize that this was the book I needed. I hadn't heard of her before. The bad news for this author is that I can't imagine reading her earlier books now - this was the one I needed, so until she writes something new I will be re-working through this one for awhile.
Obviously I recommend this book highly. Many thanks.
(I should mention that I have NO relationship to the author, and would mention if I did, in full disclosure, but do intend to attend one of her in-person workshops soon based on this reading)
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
I have lost 5 pounds PER WEEK since I read this book!
By D. R. Rolfes
I keep telling everyone who notices my weight loss, "I had to get my head right before I could get my diet right." This book has overhauled my relationship with my husband, my kids, but most importantly myself. After reading just the first few chapters, I was ready to take on the "beast" that had become my weight issue and I've never looked back (though I did finish the book!)
Before reading this, I had an idea that I had abandonment issues as my father died when I was 5, but I had no idea how to heal this important part of myself until this ground-breaking work. I saw the review in Psychology Today calling it the most important work done in this area in decades and I am here to attest to what it has done for me. I have downloaded it AND bought copies for loved ones as you will see not only your own self-defeating behaviors in this book, but have a new compassion for others dealing with similar issues stemming from divorce, alcoholism and other separations in their lives.
If you can heal your own issues within just a few hours, why would you ever say no? Read the book.
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
This applies to EVERYONE! We all deal with abandonment. It will change your life!
By Stacey C
I've been in therapy at various junctures in my life, and I'm seeing a therapist now.I've never been able to understand why I sabotage my relationships (friends and loved ones), why I indulge in the habits I do and why I react to certain comments and situations in an odd and unhealthy way. This book uncovers all the answers. Susan helps the reader to learn more about the impact of one's childhood experiences and the neurological effects of traumatic experiences. We carry these imprints into adulthood and it continues to play itself out until we tame the Outer Child and allow our Adult Self to take over (set boundaries and nurture our Inner Child). This book not only allows us to better understand who we are, but provides tools to overcome the emotional challenges that hold us back from self-love, self-nurture and self-confidence. This book enables all to understand who they truly are by healing from the pain abandonment has inflicted upon them. I continue to recommend this book to all who have the outer child syndrome (even though they don't see it).
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